-by Tim Freeman - Sirtosky
[Reader's note: the CAPS are for readability and highlighting for special attention for people with ADHD, Dyscalculia, and Dyslexia]
I was raised like thousands or millions of children (culturally Euro-centric (Catholic)) by parents who view/ed themselves as upwardly mobile, educated, and morally virtuous. We were raised to aspire to saint-like behavior; humility, self-sacrifice, and deference to authority. But this was essentially a LIE because this culture of acceptable personal shame leads to vice, not virtue. Mild guilt may encourage the development of pro-social morals like cooperation, but shame has been proven to teach silence, non transparency, and secret self-loathing, which are “values” that always undermine the principles of democracy. And in the United States, and the United Nations at least, our governing documents say that we are dedicated to a starkly DIFFERENT SET OF PRINCIPLES (values). While much of Americans' most important childhood social learning is grounded in the acceptance of self loathing and authoritarianism, our nation asks us to aspire to self-determination, self-esteem, scientific transparency, critical thinking, AND EVEN THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS! [Insert here dozens of supporting quotes and scientific studies from antiquity to the present*]
How can children who deeply internalize shame, and readily submit to and accept those who shame mature into adults who act democratically? They can’t and they don’t. Not unless they arduously re-educate and heal the emotional trauma and generational abuse they were taught. The founders of our nation, as well as other people who apply basic logic and observation, have written and spoken continuously that having a secretly self-loathing and easily-guilted flock of mental child-slaves* is antithetical to freedom, justice, equality, democracy, and a relatively stable society (*Socrates, Plato being among the first).
In fact, I believe much of the modern western ideology behind democracy can be summed up by the Socratically-influenced motto of St. John’s College in Annapolis + Santa Fe: “Facio liberos ex liberis libris libraque.” Or “I make free adults from children [or slaves] by means of books and a balance.” Education and good judgment (aka critical and scientific thought) sets us free, makes us mature citizens, and responsible patriots.
But even though Catholic kids are usually taught to be always thoughtfully conscientious to others, this pro-social idea is poisoned by IGNORING, DISTRUSTING, and LOATHING our INNER VOICE, HAPPINESS, and POSITIVE SELF-SOURCE. So that the source of our feeling of worth, acceptance, and validation could only come from those who our families, churches, and communities deemed as the elders / gate-keepers / judges…
So the young people are trained to perpetuate the cycle of generational abuse by enabling culturally-approved authority figures, no matter how abusive, sociopathic, narcissistic, mentally disordered, or socio-emotionally crippled and irresponsible they are. TEACHING CHILDREN TO BE SILENT + SELF LOATHING IS HOW ATROCITIES ARE COMMITTED, no publicity or declaration of war is necessary. When we teach kids shame we help commit a silent genocide of love and value of the self, and the semi-suicide/deicide of the goodness and God-spark we are all born with.
The most perfect metaphor in recent lore of this now self-evident and scientifically-provable phenomenon is in JK Rowling’s Fantastic Beasts: The Obscurus is the warped, broken, and self-hating demon that results from suppressing our inner light and imperfect specialness. In this case, magical ability. We become numb to the path that leads us to confidence and complete Self Actualization and satisfaction in life. When our locus of control is external and not internal we will never find lasting true love and peace, because that can only comes from within.
How many humans still ignore (even Catholic) writers and scholars have to tell us that no matter what you call God or Goodness -the Universal-Goodness-Value-Love (no matter the religion or belief system) can only be realized when the source is within? True “Charisma” (alignment with God), that tongue-of-fire, that inspiration (life breathed into) is only a co-creation with the Universal / Infinite Source. If the ideas, love, values, trust, and judgment only come from outside yourself, then you’re still an unenlightened mental subordinate. God and nature speak not just to us but through us. To fail to cultivate that inner voice and trust is a refusal to grow and build a complete relationship with God and nature.
It’s this EXACT CONCEPT of INNER WISDOM, TRUST, and VALIDATION that Billy Atwell and all emotionally mature / wise people know and try to teach. From Jesus and the other non-power-hungry sages of the Bible (like Ecclesiastes and Thomas) to Buddha, to the Secret, to Taoist Lao Tzu, to a handful of modern Christian preachers, to the Quakers, and dozens of self-help writers and gurus of all nationalities and faiths- they are trying to empower the DEMOCRATIC self-organizing principles of the ENLIGHTENMENT: SELF-EVIDENT and UNIVERSAL TRUTHS that ALL HUMANS ARE CREATED EQUAL and HAVE UNALIENABLE RIGHTS of LIFE, FREEDOM, and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. These concepts are and will always contradict those who perpetuate their authority through blind acceptance - those who govern through paternalistic command.
Most managers, teachers, leaders, and parents who even consider themselves moderate, liberal, Libertarian, or Democrat are typically unaware that their leadership style comes from a master/slave mindset the pre-dates Enlightenment or ancient democratic ideals. It is a MODERN ironic tragedy that most adults cannot distinguish, much less change, their own medieval leadership and communication style, if they can even recognize and correctly name it in others.
It is this vast ignorance and lack of vernacular (popular vocabulary) on the part of liberals, moderates, and conservatives alike that is cherished and encouraged by most of the economic elite. It's a great tool for creating social division, apathy, and helplessness among those that could change and completely democratize the United States. Sadly even well-intentioned liberals often rely on the cooperation of those lower in the hierarchy to accept their authoritarian egotism: lack of transparency, being closed to feedback, assumed intellectual and moral superiority. In an age of an authoritarian American presidency unchecked by the Senate, in addition to decades of social dominance by the economic 1%, it cannot be repeated enough: that this is NOT AN ISSUE of GOOD vs EVIL, good vs evil is only relative to your political and religious ideology), but IT IS A UNIVERSAL ISSUE OF SLAVE SOCIETY vs DEMOCRACY.
If our institutions, especially education, primarily relied on emotionally and intellectually democratic ideals, I believe most inequalities would cease to exist within a generation or two. Our systemic racism, xenophobia, able-ism, chauvinism, gender/hetero/sexism, religious fundamentalism, ageism, and classism would start withering at a pace heretofore unseen in this country.
While I have grasped the cultural AND psychological dynamics of shame intellectually, I, like many others who seek to heal, love, and value themselves have been missing the crucial/ essential key (sonic screwdriver?) to break out of this mental slavery. I finally got it during my hour-long conversation with Billy Atwell, who encouraged me to realize that I just need to make a daily practice of RELEASING my feelings of resistance, control, regret, tension, and free-floating anxiety while learning and practicing SELF LOVE + ACCEPTANCE (also known as TRUSTING YOURSELF and YOUR INTUITION). Since that moment of realization, I have been falling in love with myself because I gave myself permission to stop second guessing my judgments, my imperfections and mistakes. I see that there are still a few places in my life where I actively distrust myself and so I tend to hold back and remain passive instead of communicating and going for what makes my heart sing. Whether it is being forthcoming about my skills, abilities, or lack thereof, supervisors, interviewers, and lawgivers are fundamentally just as flawed and are just as “right” as me. And just because there are few others like me doing what I do, especially in my current environment, it does not mean that I need to feel that something is wrong about where I am, what judgments I’ve made, and what direction I’m going. As long as I’m growing and intending to do and be GOOD in such a way that does not harm others (and most likely benefits everyone in the long run) [* see Kantian ethics/ Categorical Imperative, the Golden Rule, and Mutualism]
How did I not see that the point of all this healing, therapy, self-work, prayer, and meditation is to love and trust myself!? I think that’s the power of how our culture conditions authoritarianism within me and you. I consider myself well above average in emotional intelligence and sensitivity, and yet it took me till age 40 to get to this exciting and wonderful relationship with myself! So I know this can’t be an easy truth to realize, even for the brightest and best of us. This is why wise teachers and leaders must be bold and outspoken if we are to destroy emotional, intellectual, political, and economic slavery.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
