Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

My Soulmate

Please refer back to this section multiple times & discuss with me, because I'll assume we are on the same page. And if we are not on the same page this will be a problem.

You believe & KNOW that LTRs require EFFORT, RESILIENCE, ADAPTABILITY, INTIMACY
Growth oriented
Transparent
Curious
Humble AND Confident
Values constructive criticism
HEALTHY / EMPOWERED MASCULINITY + SEXUALITY + INTIMACY
Resolves conflict easily
Aware of ego triggers
Positive Attitude
Track record of successfully completing therapy (Step 10+ in sobriety)

I believe the first thing we should communicate to potential friends and partners are our deal breakers. I'm looking for emotionally secure relationships where we are confidently eager for intimate & vulnerable talks.

While it may offend the aggressive & toxic masculine ego, there's nothing wrong with taking a personality test or sharing painful life-defining experiences to see if you're aligned. Y'all have too much free time if you can spend 3-12 months waiting for your partner’s unresolved trauma to erupt. [then most likely you’ll stop speaking] Many deal breakers can be learned in one conversation.
I know I'm asking for that rare person who is probably a therapist, self-help guru, or one of Oprah's best friends. I know my tribe. I'm here. May the universe (God) bring and bind us together.

———————————————-
I’m more interested in the integrity of your character & the quality of your mind, your defining experiences, wisdom gained, & goals envisioned-- rather than your degree, the illustriousness of your career, what you own, or the famous/fawncy people whom you know. Our president is proof that there are plenty "successful" people with absolutely no class, character, or integrity.
DEAL BREAKERS (or for any healthy, "gold star" relationship) are:
Looking for friends, preferably a soulmate, soul family/ tribe members who have & seek :
-Self Development
-Constructive criticism
-Intimacy
-Empathy always, selflessness sometimes
-self awareness & experience
-INTROSPECTION & EXPRESSION
-GROWTH
-to be a "FUCK YES" or a "NO"=decisive
-COURAGEOUS VULNERABILITY/OPENNESS/INTIMACY
-RELATIONSHIPS 1st (over career, gym, tech, gaming etc)
-humility & to admit fuck ups
-confidence
-to deal w/ problems quickly, directly, w/communication
-compromise
-full, PLAIN, DIRECT, COMPLETE COMMUNICATION
-being fully present
-SERENITY
-exuberance and silliness
-passion
-dedication to principles
-EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE, DILIGENCE, PERSISTENCE
-curiosity
-healthy romantic commitment

Looking for very emotionally authentic & transparent, responsible, aware, stable, com/passionate, communicative, GROWTH ORIENTED, men who have nothing to hide, ENJOY
It seems I'm one of the few, but growing voices in the United States who RESIST the cultural fallacy of EMOTIONAL SECRECY, guardedness & slow disclosure.
That notion is based on a false assumption that there is a limited ability for the human heart to trust, love, & heal. The fallacy that a heart broken multiple times is somehow weaker or less able to find healthy, long-lasting love in the future.

I move fast when it comes to getting to know someone & I'm looking for those with the rare courage for self disclosure.

Not a long-term fit if you are emotionally guarded or neurotically anxious. Introverts, please be self-aware, communicative, & willing to give, receive & use feedback.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.