Gratitude Challenge Day 3: Favorite Sounds

5 min gratitude journaling challenge, day 3/30. Today’s prompt is Favorite Sound: 

Most of the sounds that came to mind today are calming and soothing.  Other days they are pulsing and exciting.  At certain times I need to hear and feel certain things.          

I notice that for some reason I feel very grounded by sounds that remind me of my place in the universe: 

My small, fleeting existence seems paradoxically significant because how rare and special it is to observe, comprehend, feel and reflect on the infinite.  These moments feel electric and tingling, ominous, and calming all at once.  The mix of emotion echoes the juxtapositions of vastness and smallness, infinite and finite. The universe and me.

Today I thought of the sound of waves against my canoe or boat hull.  The voice of my first love.  The beating whoosh of large wings both felt and heard - an eagle, a goose, an owl, a vulture.  The echo of a loon and the call of a mourning dove, spring peeper frogs, katydids, gentle rain on my tent or window, wind quaking the leaves, thunder, the crash of waves and the howling wind at night.  The hush after a deep snow.

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Toward Resilience, Self Esteem, and Emotional Education in America

Some parents, caregivers, and teachers enable a child’s ego to develop in a mostly stable way, which bolsters their emotional resilience in the face of failure, situational stress, and contradiction.  They “fill the child’s bucket,” to cite an SEL-based children’s book by Carol McCloud [Have You Filled a Bucket Today?]   Yet other caregivers don’t even realize that they’re teaching children to doubt themselves, to have limited self esteem, to feel that something is wrong with them, and so shame grows.  In so doing they teach a child to value the input of others over their own self-evaluation, including the inability to forgive oneself.  There has been some improvement in the overall emotional resilience in American youth, with the increasing popularity of social emotional education in public school curricula.  But we are behind many other countries and cultures which have had decades of humanistic education and anti-shame parenting [citation needed]. 

Self perception, mindset, and attitude are greater determinants of whether an individual sees themself as having failed or succeeded at something, or identifying as a success or failure in life.  The capacity to remain emotionally secure and stable regardless of success, failure, or social feedback is known in the field of education as resilience.  In psychological terms, the locus of [self] control is external versus internal [Rotter, Judge, Locke, Durham].

    “Locus of control is one of the four dimensions of core self-evaluations – one's fundamental appraisal of oneself – along with neuroticism, self-efficacy, and self-esteem.[3] The concept of core self-evaluations was first examined by Judge, Locke, and Durham (1997), and since has proven to have the ability to predict several work outcomes, specifically, job satisfaction and job performance.[4] In a follow-up study, Judge et al. (2002) argued that locus of control, neuroticism, self-efficacy and self-esteem factors may have a common core.[5]”. [wikipedia]

For the sake of brevity, I’ll call this the “self nexus.”  In the vernacular, we talk about this core or nexus with terms like ego, self-love, confidence, and self-trust, acceptance, resilience; and conversely, insecurity, weakness, anxiety, and shame.  

  I think it’s unfortunate that for years self-help gurus, career trainers and managers, motivational speakers, teachers, and even therapists have often neglected to teach self-love and (self-)forgiveness.

We’re taught that to reach goals and dreams we have to use positive self talk, visualization, we have to put the past in the past, plan and communicate effectively.  Some of these lessons and practices approximate the nexus of Self-Love, Trust, and Esteem.  But unless you already have a healthy ego / positive self nexus, most of this self-development education will be unsustainable.  

Many trainers and authors provide the by-now-cliche examples of Churchill, Edison, Gandhi, among many others, of how it’s possible and powerful to be persistent and resilient in the face of failure.  But essentially they’re really providing parables about the importance of self esteem.  For it’s almost impossible to continue in the face of repeated failure without a positive self nexus.

And while resilience comes easily for us in some challenges, it can be altogether lacking in others.  We may use our strengths and our positive nexus in one area to compensate, hide, or ignore our shame and fear of other competencies we’ve never developed.  Since the presence of self esteem is only occasionally completely pervasive across an individual’s competencies, most of us make it through life without ever having to address or mention our pockets of incompetence or self loathing.  

Regardless of an individual’s measured and ranked abilities, it’s their self perception of their ability which most determines performance and perceived feelings of well-being and satisfaction over time.  In relationships, emotional, physical, and intellectual competencies, our acceptance and even appreciation of our limitations and mistakes brings the maturity and confidence that only results from this positive self awareness.  

That is why wise people have urged self-knowledge for millennia; but not merely to be able to avoid our shortcomings, but to embrace them.  When we can embrace shortcomings, so are we better equipped to lead, work well with and appreciate the contributions of others.  

Take some time to observe yourself and others:  you will start to notice that those who seem most ungrateful or resistent to contribution, or conversely, too dependent upon it,  are those who fear most their own limitations.

These among many others are reasons why we need more and better opportunities for esteem-based learning for people regardless of age.  There will almost always be areas in which one may desire to increase one’s capacity, comfort, and confidence.

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Emotional and Intellectual Slavery is Unconsciously Pervasive in Liberal, Democrat, and Libertarian Behavior & Communication, not Just in Conservative Ideology: How Our Authoritarian American Culture perpetuates political, economic, physical, and mental feudalism.

-by Tim Freeman - Sirtosky

[Reader's note: the CAPS are for readability and highlighting for special attention for people with ADHD, Dyscalculia, and Dyslexia]


  I was raised like thousands or millions of children (culturally Euro-centric (Catholic)) by parents who view/ed themselves as upwardly mobile, educated, and morally virtuous.  We were raised to aspire to  saint-like behavior;  humility, self-sacrifice, and deference to authority.  But this was essentially a LIE because this culture of acceptable personal shame leads to vice, not virtue.  Mild guilt may encourage the development of pro-social morals like cooperation, but shame has been proven to teach silence, non transparency, and secret self-loathing, which are “values” that always undermine the principles of democracy.  And in the United States, and the United Nations at least, our governing documents say that we are dedicated to a starkly DIFFERENT SET OF PRINCIPLES (values).  While much of Americans' most important childhood social learning is grounded in the acceptance of self loathing and authoritarianism, our nation asks us to aspire to self-determination, self-esteem, scientific transparency, critical thinking, AND EVEN THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS! [Insert here dozens of supporting quotes and scientific studies from antiquity to the present*]

How can children who deeply internalize shame, and readily submit to and accept those who shame mature into adults who act democratically?  They can’t and they don’t.  Not unless they arduously re-educate and heal the emotional trauma and generational abuse they were taught.  The founders of our nation, as well as other people who apply basic logic and observation, have written and spoken continuously that having a secretly self-loathing and easily-guilted flock of mental child-slaves* is antithetical to freedom, justice, equality, democracy, and a relatively stable society (*Socrates, Plato being among the first). 
In fact, I believe much of the modern western ideology behind democracy can be summed up by the Socratically-influenced motto of St. John’s College in Annapolis + Santa Fe: “Facio liberos ex liberis libris libraque.” Or “I make free adults from children [or slaves] by means of books and a balance.” Education and good judgment (aka critical and scientific thought) sets us free, makes us mature citizens, and responsible patriots.

But even though Catholic kids are usually taught to be always thoughtfully conscientious to others, this pro-social idea is poisoned by IGNORING, DISTRUSTING, and LOATHING our INNER VOICE, HAPPINESS, and POSITIVE SELF-SOURCE.  So that the source of our feeling of worth, acceptance, and validation could only come from those who our families, churches, and communities deemed as the elders / gate-keepers / judges… 
So the young people are trained to perpetuate the cycle of generational abuse by enabling culturally-approved authority figures, no matter how abusive, sociopathic, narcissistic, mentally disordered, or socio-emotionally crippled and irresponsible they are.  TEACHING CHILDREN TO BE SILENT + SELF LOATHING IS HOW ATROCITIES ARE COMMITTED, no publicity or declaration of war is necessary.  When we teach kids shame we help commit a silent genocide of love and value of the self, and the semi-suicide/deicide of the goodness and God-spark we are all born with.

The most perfect metaphor in recent lore of this now self-evident and scientifically-provable phenomenon is in JK Rowling’s Fantastic Beasts:  The Obscurus is the warped, broken, and self-hating demon that results from suppressing our inner light and imperfect specialness.  In this case, magical ability.  We become numb to the path that leads us to confidence and complete Self Actualization and satisfaction in life.  When our locus of control is external and not internal we will never find lasting true love and peace, because that can only comes from within.

 How many humans still ignore (even Catholic) writers and scholars have to tell us that no matter what you call God or Goodness -the Universal-Goodness-Value-Love (no matter the religion or belief system) can only be realized when the source is within?  True “Charisma” (alignment with God), that tongue-of-fire, that inspiration (life breathed into) is only a co-creation with the Universal / Infinite Source.  If the ideas, love, values, trust, and judgment only come from outside yourself, then you’re still an unenlightened mental subordinate.  God and nature speak not just to us but through us.  To fail to cultivate that inner voice and trust is a refusal to grow and build a complete relationship with God and nature.

 It’s this EXACT CONCEPT of INNER WISDOM, TRUST, and VALIDATION that Billy Atwell and all emotionally mature / wise people know and try to teach.  From Jesus and the other non-power-hungry sages of the Bible (like Ecclesiastes and Thomas) to Buddha, to the Secret, to Taoist Lao Tzu, to a handful of modern Christian preachers, to the Quakers, and dozens of self-help writers and gurus of all nationalities and faiths- they are trying to empower the DEMOCRATIC self-organizing principles of the ENLIGHTENMENT: SELF-EVIDENT and UNIVERSAL TRUTHS that ALL HUMANS ARE CREATED EQUAL and HAVE UNALIENABLE RIGHTS of LIFE, FREEDOM, and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.  These concepts are and will always contradict those who perpetuate their authority through blind acceptance - those who govern through paternalistic command.

Most managers, teachers, leaders, and parents who even consider themselves moderate, liberal, Libertarian, or Democrat are typically unaware that their leadership style comes from a master/slave mindset the pre-dates Enlightenment or ancient democratic ideals.  It is a MODERN ironic tragedy that most adults cannot distinguish, much less change, their own medieval leadership and communication style, if they can even recognize and correctly name it in others.

It is this vast ignorance and lack of vernacular (popular vocabulary) on the part of liberals, moderates, and conservatives alike that is cherished and encouraged by most of the economic elite.  It's a great tool for creating social division, apathy, and helplessness among those that could change and completely democratize the United States.  Sadly even well-intentioned liberals often rely on the cooperation of those lower in the hierarchy to accept their authoritarian egotism: lack of transparency, being closed to feedback, assumed intellectual and moral superiority.  In an age of an authoritarian American presidency unchecked by the Senate, in addition to decades of social dominance by the economic 1%, it cannot be repeated enough: that this is NOT AN ISSUE of GOOD vs EVIL, good vs evil is only relative to your political and religious ideology), but IT IS A UNIVERSAL ISSUE OF SLAVE SOCIETY vs DEMOCRACY.

If our institutions, especially education, primarily relied on emotionally and intellectually democratic ideals, I believe most inequalities would cease to exist within a generation or two.  Our systemic racism, xenophobia, able-ism, chauvinism, gender/hetero/sexism, religious fundamentalism, ageism, and classism would start withering at a pace heretofore unseen in this country. 

While I have grasped the cultural AND psychological dynamics of shame intellectually, I, like many others who seek to heal, love, and value themselves have been missing the crucial/ essential key (sonic screwdriver?) to break out of this mental slavery.  I finally got it during my hour-long conversation with Billy Atwell, who encouraged me to realize that I just need to make a daily practice of RELEASING my feelings of resistance, control, regret, tension, and free-floating anxiety while learning and practicing SELF LOVE + ACCEPTANCE (also known as TRUSTING YOURSELF and YOUR INTUITION).  Since that moment of realization, I have been falling in love with myself because I gave myself permission to stop second guessing my judgments, my imperfections and mistakes.  I see that there are still a few places in my life where I actively distrust myself and so I tend to hold back and remain passive instead of communicating and going for what makes my heart sing.  Whether it is being forthcoming about my skills, abilities, or lack thereof, supervisors, interviewers, and lawgivers are fundamentally just as flawed and are just as “right” as me.  And just because there are few others like me doing what I do, especially in my current environment, it does not mean that I need to feel that something is wrong about where I am, what judgments I’ve made, and what direction I’m going.  As long as I’m growing and intending to do and be GOOD in such a way that does not harm others (and most likely benefits everyone in the long run) [* see Kantian ethics/ Categorical Imperative, the Golden Rule, and Mutualism]

How did I not see that the point of all this healing, therapy, self-work, prayer, and meditation is to love and trust myself!?  I think that’s the power of how our culture conditions authoritarianism within me and you.  I consider myself well above average in emotional intelligence and sensitivity, and yet it took me till age 40 to get to this exciting and wonderful relationship with myself!  So I know this can’t be an easy truth to realize, even for the brightest and best of us.  This is why wise teachers and leaders must be bold and outspoken if we are to destroy emotional, intellectual, political, and economic slavery.






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